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rbinck 04-09-2009 07:11 PM

The Official AVRevForum Joke Thread
Let's keep them clean people!

I'll start with Some Cheesy Jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t - I’ve cut off your arms!”

I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him… (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good. . ) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

rbinck 04-12-2009 09:14 AM

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you “ain’t seen nuthin’” yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the
“Any” key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to
be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the, “Send” key.

4. Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap
and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “Bad and invalid.”
The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses …..shouldn’t be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t
find the printer.” The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal”turned out to be the computer’s mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, “What power switch?”

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put
in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that “Insert Disk 2″ implied to remove Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

CALLER: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
TECH: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

CALLER: “The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
TECH: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”

CALLER: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
TECH: “Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”

CALLER: “It came with my computer. I don’t know anything about a promotional. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”

At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn’t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under windows.”
The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.”

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: “O.K. Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”
CUSTOMER: “I don’t have a ‘P’”.
TECH SUPPORT: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
CUSTOMER: “What do you mean?”
TECH SUPPORT: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
CUSTOMER: “I ain’t gonna to do that!”

rbinck 04-22-2009 09:24 AM

Smart blonde
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.” ” While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire,” ” What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Butch 04-22-2009 10:55 AM

Re: The Official AVRevForum Joke Thread
Do you think that gay midgets come out of the cupboard?

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender sez, "Why the long face."

You can always tell if a person is an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac. They lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.


Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

rbinck 04-30-2009 04:42 PM

Re: The Official AVRevForum Joke Thread

Originally Posted by PalmHarbor (Post 20750)
Here are the guide lines that most mfg. have followed to the anger of most buyers:

1) Make sure the lettering of labels is difficult at best to read. Use a no.1 font. Avoid black on white...too easy to read.
Try soft gray on black.
2) HIde the on off switch especially on LCD and DLP televisions...make the buyer hunt for it in the dark.
3)Put so many f___king buttons on the remote that the consumer is confused at best. Make sure you invent icons
to ID those buttons.
4)Make inputs and outputs "assignable"...that always drive the customers nuts trying to program it.
5)Make the remote small so the customer can easily lose it.
6)Make everything menu driven and re-write the english language to confuse the customers.
7)Make sure tech support is in India, Vietnam or other exotic place where English is a third language.
8) Train tech support people say to each caller " this is the first time I have heard of this problem"
9)Build the product in a Chinese factory that has a 80% turnover of personnel each month so quality control
is null and void.
10) Write the manual in 4 languages with each language on each page....make sure you do not include
trouble shooting information as there is no trouble to mention.
T H E N S E E Y O U R S A L E S ..Peak and never spread to the average person, especially the elderly...the ones
with all the money.

IB-Dick 04-30-2009 05:13 PM

Re: The Official AVRevForum Joke Thread
You guys just blew an hour of my work day. Thanks, Great thread!

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